It’s one of those stomach-filling, incredibly reassuring sensations: the lifting of at least some of the haze that obscures our eyes.
I’ve come [at least temporarily] to a conclusion that this is one way of looking at the eternal question of what this crazy, bewildering, vast yet microcosmic, stagnant yet perpetually changing existence really may be at least partially about: illusion. It’s as if we are submerged, at birth, into a hazy atmosphere full of dust particles [too much Star Trek, as per usual], and everything that we acquire, execute, plan and orchestrate is all within the limits of that obscured vision.
Goals that elude us, limits that haunt us, insecurities that plague us… we know there’s a clue to unravelling all of these. Perhaps the key is to stop trying (but not too early), to pull back, detach, and perhaps then, some of the dust will evaporate, revealing glimmering fissures through which we perceive the truth.
When I looked anew at the production showreel I submitted for grad school, I felt like I some of the layers began to thin out.
[The very term “showreel” makes my stomach quaver. It coveys images of cocky, action-oriented A-type personalities swaggering into a studio and securing a film deal through sheer arrogance and the veneer of championing some celebrated cause of the day.]
I look at this showreel now, and I see the a jam-packed linear timeline of a completely disconnected array of products that have been squashed together. The slow-paced, harmonious circles of an individual’s life blending together in Urban Sketches lose their meaning when met with the abrupt assembly line of a sharply segmented, cut-and-pasted studio format that neatly packages break-neck speed tech-related information bytes.
Between the layers upon layers of “quirky” graphics, stylized montages and quick-paced edits, I see a myriad mouse-clicks, ribbons upon ribbons of my life-span sucked into the vacuum of transitions and 20 minute time structures.
I see an inner expression of the world impinged by the linearity of the [non-linear] editing timeline.
When I think of what I would say an interview about what I wanted to do with my, and as filmmaker, I realize I don’t have a plan, a central driving force theme. It’s not that the themes aren’t there. They’re in the process of emerging into focus like images from multiples lenses [the way your brain brings into focus the conflicting images from your two eyes].